First Love
Finding First Love
In the scriptures we find this concept of “first love”, but what is it exactly and how do we find it? First of all, I believe the correct question should be worded “how does IT find us?” 1 John 4:10 states, “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” and later v. 19 continues, “We love because he first loved us.” (See also Romans 5:6). It’s important we understand this key principle. One way or another, God ends up receiving glory for preeminence in all things that are good and wonderful and true. To think any other way is pride and ignorance. Our faith begins and ends in Him, and so does our love.
But what is “first love” and what does it look like?
This terminology comes from Revelation 2 during the letter to the church at Ephesus. Jesus admonishes this church for “abandoning” the love they had “at first.” So what is this love they had at first? Have you ever been in a relationship for the first time, and while you and your lover are experiencing the “blossoming” of feelings for one another, there is an enthusiasm, a joy, a powerful love that no mountain or sea can deter? It is a love that will cross the globe from one end to the other if necessary to be reunited with one’s love. Maybe not all people have experienced love this way, but I (as a hopeless romantic) have. It is something that grows and ripens with time, and continues beyond the season of engagement and even beyond the wedding ceremony.
So what does this look like between Christ and his bride, the church?
Well first of all, as I indicated above, it is Christ who does the “initial loving,” it is He who deserves credit for the wooing and pursuit of a lover who was weak, ignorant, even hostile to Him. So were all of us in varying degrees before He transferred us from the kingdom of darkness to His kingdom of light (see Colossians 1:13). We also do well to remember the example of Peter, the first to confess Jesus as Messiah, the Christ. Immediately after his confession Jesus blesses him and says, “flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father in heaven” (Matt 16:17). In John 6:45 Jesus states, “Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to me-”
We must understand, first of all, that He went after us and gave Himself up for us before we knew Him and while we were living against His kingdom; and second, it is He who guides our understanding to a place of enlightenment, so that we may comprehend who He is and what He has done for us. Without His help in this, we would still be utterly lost in our ignorance, hostility and corruption. Some at this point will probably think to themselves that they weren’t all that bad beforehand, at least not “hostile” or “corrupt!” However, it is in this very thought that they show they are ignorant of the corruption upon all the human race. We have all been infected with a sickness, whether we are aware of it or not. The Ancient of Days and King of the universe is so good and pure, with a goodness so stainless and free of corruption that we simply do not know what that goodness is truly like, since it was forgotten ages ago by the children of man. This is the same problem a person has when they contract a deadly virus but have not noticed the symptoms yet and do not see the things at work within their own body until it is too late.
So what does this all have to do with First Love? It is because in order to really unlock your first love for the One who already loves you, you must know what makes Him so attractive, desirable and worthy of love! How can you do that without knowing Him? How can you do that unless you know He has jumped in front of a bullet to save your life? Once you have found His love for you and He has caught the gaze of your eyes with His own, a mysterious and wondrous love will be born within your own heart like a blazing fire. The more you realize the depths of your own sad state of sickness and helplessness in a dark land, the sweeter the love will be when you discover your rescuer and savior in the land of light! If you feel you lack this first love and are hungry to gain it, it may be that you are already being guided on the path to finding it.
There are promises for the one who hungers and seeks:
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied” - Matt 5:6 (see also Isaiah 55:1-3)
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.” - Matt 7:7
If you are hungry, don’t stop there. Seek Him with all your heart, and ask Him to help you find Him. Read His word and seek Him in prayer. Ask Him for a revelation of His forgiveness and love to you on a deeper level. He is pleased to give you the kingdom and you should give Him the credit for any guidance he provides to even seek him in the first place. Finally, be ready to open the door when He knocks, for another beautiful promise is available to you if you do:
“Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” - Rev 3:20
Losing First Love
In Song of Solomon chapter 5, we find that the woman has lost the opportunity of opening the door to her lover when he knocked. She delayed and discovered all too late that her lover had gone, and finds herself sick with love, now needing to venture on a chase to find her beloved once again.
We’ve discussed what first love is and how one might gain it. If you have been so fortunate to have found the Beloved and experienced His love, and have given love in return back to Him, could it be that you would ever be able to let such love fade?
We have examples in Scripture that warn us of this possibility, and I believe I am not alone in saying I have firsthand experience myself that it can, and does happen. However, the hope remains that for God’s children all things work together for good, and the Good Shepherd will seek after his wandering sheep. The Father disciplines those he loves. He will lose none of all that are his. (see John 10:27-29, Proverbs 3:11-12, Heb 11:6, John 6:39)
We return to Revelation 2:14-15 - “But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.” For me, my first love has come and gone more than once, and I can remember the milestones in my life. I believe my first conversion was as a child between the age of 10-11. Something clicked in my understanding of the gospel after reading a tract, beyond all the Bible teaching I had received to that point. I recognized that Jesus was the bridge over the chasm between God and myself, and that chasm was my sin. He was the only way to the Father. Immediately after praying and renewing my declaration of faith, everything changed for me. My haunting nightmares went away, I changed from an angry, violent, and lying kid, to a tender, forgiving and God-fearing child. Through adolescent and teen years, God was my focus and I was loyal to him. He was my priority and I was grieved when I didn’t find very many like-minded teens at my Christian high school. However, my love for God was far from perfect and I still had secret sins and addictions I fell into from time to time before repenting. I lost my first love at some point in my late teen years when I was focused on my martial arts career. It wasn’t only that, I spent most of my free time in leisure, playing video games, watching TV shows etc. Ever so gradually, my love faded and I couldn’t figure out how to defeat my addictions and foolishness. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! I finally discovered freedom and a renewed passion for God between age 19 and 20. I recommitted my life to Him and His Lordship, and went on to do missions, met my wife, and dedicated myself fervently to serving Him in missions and in all areas of my life. I wish I could say something about happily ever after. But this was not the case. In a moment of weakness, I fell away from my first love into sin, after years of dedication to him. When I analyzed this later and meditated on how this happened, it became clear to me that the fading of my first love had already started earlier on than that. It was really a symptom of something deeper that had been gradually happening over time. And once you fall in the pit, it can be devastatingly difficult to climb out again.
Before I discuss the regaining of first love, let me expand further upon how one loses first love. All it takes are little excuses and choices along the way, particularly when you fancy yourself to be in good standing. At this point, wisdom would remind us of the scripture, “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” - 1 Cor 10:12. It starts off with seemingly innocent choices, or so rationalized, that are based on the notion that you’ve earned a little grace here and there for some extra “me time” or an innocent indulgence. This may look different from person to person. For me this always had to do with time spent in entertainment and media. For others it may sneak in through noble avenues like dedication to family or work. Whatever thing comes along that seems “noble” or “innocent”, we must take care that those things do not deceive us into losing our first love. The problem comes when these things begin to take priority over our love for our Beloved, who is Christ himself. Without realizing it the things that once seemed innocent or noble can become idols with little altars or shrines we have set up within our heart. Our faith in God may remain and our religious ideas and opinions may flow out of our mouths, and we may have a good spiritual routine, but if He is not our one desire and we find ourselves compelled to seek other things first before Him, we see that our Beloved takes a back seat, and just like the woman in the Song of Solomon, we miss our opportunity to open the door when He knocks. When you find yourself in this condition and finally open your eyes to the harsh reality, it can feel like trying to claw your way out of a deep, muddy pit, or like groping your way around in a dark cave to start your journey back to that distant point of light, not knowing how you got to where you are now. The important part is this, “Remember from where you have fallen; repent.” Take courage - chances are that the Beloved Himself through His Spirit has brought you from a state of slumber to a state of waking up. Perhaps He has been shaking you for a while. Now that you are finally awake, don’t give your eyelids any more sleep! Get up and follow Him back to the light. Recall to mind the sweet love you knew at first and all the goodness of the Lord. Fall in love with Him again and seek him in earnest with hunger. Perhaps you are still sleeping like the disciples who Jesus had to rebuke in the garden, and you don’t even know you’re sleeping! Now is the time to be honest with yourself.
Some signs you have forgotten your first love (or never had it to begin with):
1. You aren’t doing the works of first love you did in the beginning.
2. God has become pure religion for you, but your desire for Him feels dull or non-existent.
3. You have no patience for reading the word or spending time in prayer, because other things sound more enjoyable.
4. You are stuck in addictions or sin.
5. You aren’t kind or loving to others as Christ has been to you.
6. You’ve forgotten why you even believe, and find yourself relating more to the secular world.
If ANY of these things resonate with you, take pause and be honest with yourself. Now is the time to wake up and begin your journey to seek the Beloved.
Regaining First Love
Read Song of Solomon 5:5-6:3
What I described above might look and feel a little different for each person who considers themselves to have fallen from first love (or in some cases you don’t resonate with any of it, and don’t know if you’ve ever even experienced true and powerful love, either from God or toward Him.) Again I repeat key portions from Revelation 2 and 3: “Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first,” and “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”
Previously I mentioned the first time the Lord helped me return to Him. It was when I was 19 and had finally come to the end of myself. It got to the point where I was beating my chest, feeling like a worthless worm who had no power of his own to be good with lasting repentance. It was at that moment while earnestly reading the Psalms, that the Lord spoke words that echoed deep within my soul “I FORGIVE YOU.” I knew deep inside that it was He who spoke and not my own thoughts, and a feeling of warm and brilliant light came over my entire being. The realization of His love was no longer a doctrinal truth to me but a real experience. The sinner knew His sin and helpless condition and the Lord showed Him boundless love in response. What that produced in me was a living response of inexpressible love back to Him, the one who had forgiven the treachery and foolishness of a selfish and unfaithful man. The love I felt for Him at that moment compelled me to repent with all my heart, and His Spirit showed me the way to conquer my flesh and sow to the Spirit instead.
Years later, when my love had faded yet again, it was bitterly devastating and I spent many more years after that battling my flesh, seeking to come out of the pit again. The Lord is so kind and patient with us, and it is through his love and patience we find the strength to repent and seek his forgiveness again. I had to remember from where I had fallen and all of the precious milestones He had brought me through to date. I had to choose to say no to my flesh and say yes to His Spirit instead once again. I had to cut off all other things that were vying for my attention and desire, no matter how “innocent” they may have appeared, all in the name of love. It is not a legalism but a simple matter of love and devotion. If it becomes a legalism, we’ll fall into a different sort of trap. If it is for love, it is for joy and peace and the pleasure of knowing the Beloved. It should be the expected response I give to the one who forgave all my transgressions, who took the bullet for me, who grabbed my hand before I fell off a cliff, who was a friend to me even when I was a horrible friend to Him.
Many things that are physical mirror spiritual truths to be learned. I will bring up the case with something we all can understand: Food. When you are in the habit of eating certain unhealthy junk foods and sweets etc, it can be hard to stop. You find yourself craving those things again and again. Sometimes people are aware of certain things that are bad for their health, yet they find themselves returning for another helping. Recently I’ve been going through a season in my health that has caused me to seek help from a functional doctor to get to the bottom of strange things happening with my immune system. Secretly I’ve wondered if certain things like lactose, gluten and sugar have been causing problems for me all these years. Well, the doctor had me cut out even more than that for an initial detox. I had to avoid all dairy, gluten, sugar and even other carbs that I would have considered otherwise harmless like honey and maple syrup. The diet plan he put me on was pretty much eggs, other proteins and meats, and vegetables. At first it was hard to give up some of my favorite foods and snacks (some of them which are even considered healthy). However, I began replacing those other inflammatory foods with steak and eggs, or a healthy protein shake, and began to not only feel the difference in my body, but also to enjoy those foods more. The difference in my body was so drastic, and the diet was honestly quite enjoyable once I was buying the right supplies for myself and I got into a rhythm. I wondered why I hadn’t done this sooner. It was so simple and had always been within reach, had I just made the choice to do it earlier. I lost some excess weight, and gut problems disappeared. I felt great! It’s a sustainable sort of diet, and I plan on making it a general lifestyle, even after the prescribed period of time is over.
Immediately I saw the spiritual tie-over. There are certain things in our spiritual diets that cause spiritual inflammation and health problems to our souls. These things are so common to us that we consider them normal and harmless. However, what if we were to cut them out of our “diet” and replace them with things that are lean and nourishing like steak and vegetables (for example prayer and reading of the Scriptures). With a little seasoning from the Spirit these better choices will be satisfying, enjoyable and bring life to our souls.
Look, the reason why I bring all that up is this: you will reap what you sow. If you sow to the flesh, you will reap a harvest of flesh (what a vicious cycle that can be). If you sow to the Spirit, you will reap the Spirit - which leads to life and peace. Galatians 6:8: "For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life."
So maybe the answer is as simple as it sounds (though the willpower required to just do it is sometimes not there). If you want to return to Him, return! Begin sowing to the Spirit and remove whatever is hindering you from doing so - that is, unless you don’t want to… in which case you will stay in the condition that you are stuck in.
How bad do you want to return to the Lover of your soul? Earnestly seek him with all of your heart, and you will find Him. He loves you and wants to be found by you.
Verses for further contemplation:
1. Isaiah 55:1-3 - Invitation to all who thirst, and who wish to eat real food that leads to life.
2. Revelation 2:4-5, 3:19-20 - Remember from where you have fallen, repent, and open the door when he knocks.
3. James 4:5-8 - Draw near to God and He’ll draw near to you; resist the devil and he will flee from you
4. 1 John 2:9-11, 15-17 - There is one who thinks he is in the light, but is blinded by darkness. You cannot love both God and the things of the world at the same time.
5. Ephesians 5:15-21 - Don’t be foolish, but make the best use of your time.
Final parting questions:
1. What is the evidence you have found first love? I will further ask: Do you eagerly long to spend time with your Beloved? Do you pant after Him and His words? Do you long to see Him and love spending time with Him more than any other person or thing? Are you compelled by love to bear fruit for His kingdom and put into practice his teachings and commands, principally to overflow in love for Him and all those around you?
2. Could it be possible you are one who has lost your first love, and need to remember from where you have fallen to do the works you did at first?
3. Is He knocking at the door of your heart even now, for you to open up and let Him have fellowship with you?
4. Would you leave everything behind if He calls you to follow him, as the fishermen did with their nets and boats, or as the tax collector did with His booth?